Does Love Have a Number?

February 20, 2008

Back in the old days girls married at age 14 to older men.  Through the decades the age number increased till the idea was of dating a man 5 years older is looked upon as wrong.  It is wrong these days for a 30 year old man to run around with woman of age 14 in this time and age due to the lack of morality in some older generations. What happens though if you meet a great guy at the age of 18 but is 10 years older? but is it ok when they hit the age of 18? 

 I am currently dating a man 10 years older than me. We met at my old job and ever since then we have been dating. Its been a year and a half and we are still in love; if not more than ever. It is not common to see someone dissaprove of us being together when they have not met my boyfriend. Just the age difference alone shows how wrong it is. The common arguments are… “He’s only seeking one thing from you and its not being with you.” “He is too old, you should be with someone your age.” and etc.

Problem is with that last arguement is that every guy I meet at my age isn’t what I am looking for. I want to fall in love and be in that relationship. I no longer want to explore a bunch of bad relationships when I can have one great one full of love.  Every guy I have dated in the past has been has used, cheated, or is just plain immature. I then met my boyfriend and he was like this perfect guy I have dreamt about as a little girl to one day marry a man like him.  My boyfriend is gentle, listens and cares on what I have to say, is romantic, says all the right things, and is really really handsome. Too perfect to be true? Well, it is! Of course theres some blemishes here in there but I have them too. He isnt perfect but he is damn close to it. I have given him my heart and he has taken damn good care of it. Everytime I need him to be there for me when I am at a dark corner he is there to shine the light. He is the one who fell in love with me first, took me a while to trust myself and him enough to fall in love.

This girl commented my boyfriend’s blog out of the blue and insulted him becuase of the relationship he had with me. She was rude enough to call him names without even knowing who he was. She said our relationship was wrong becuase I was so young for him. How can love be wrong. Its not like I am underage. I am well aware of who I am dating and what desicions I make. My parents dont have a problem with it and so why should anyone else? He loves me and I love him….is that so bad?

It is ok in our society to accept relationships with celebeties or older people. Demi Moore married Ashton Kutcher….bigger age difference then my relationship. Older men celeberties date younger women all the time and you know what? Non celeberty men do it all the time. I am not a child, I am 19 years old and i love a man 10 years older than me. He is the best gift God has given me and I will not let some person’s comments break us apart. When it all comes down to it in the end, its me and him. We are ok with each other and that is what counts. Plus I have never been this happy. Therefore, anyone that chooses to disrupt our relationship….I think should get a life and try to establish their own joy and happiness instead of trying to destroy the happiness of others becuase in my relationship….our love doesn’t have a number.

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Television’s New Form of Entertainment

February 5, 2008

      Sex, parties, alcohol, screaming women and violent men. Reality shows are taking over television as the primary source of entertainment with these nasty attributes. Why on earth do we watch this junk? What happend to the good old day of television shows? Even the news has taken a hit to the new demand of reality shows. We should be aware of what we put into our minds and in the minds of our future generation. I dont want my future child to sit down and watch how to cuss and screw other boys or girls. We should just be careful of what we support and try to figure out what is really important to see on television.

Laguna Beach and Newport Harbor were the leading roles for the dumb girls forming today. These dumb girls speak like they have no education in highschool and do not seem to care about the outside world. They just dwell on the shopping and boys. How on earth is this entertainment? Why do i want to see a bunch of girls with big butt glasses and dogs in their purses. We now idolize Paris Hilton and her fashion. Why? How is she a good role model for the young girls back at home? The only thing to gain about these rich girls that only get more rich with their shows is to how to be arrogant and blind; if you consider that a gain.

Reality shows weren’t always a bunch of none sense. They use to be good. The Real World started on MTV and you got to see into the lives of how people formed relationships and how they interacted with one another. Now, all they do is curse, threaten, and have sex with anything that moves. The Apprentice started and you got to see different courses of bisness. You can actually learn from that show a couple of things of advertisement and how to interact with your co-workers and etc. There were a lot of good shows forming as reality shows. Now we have a burst of crap such as America’s Most Smartest Supermodel, Bad Girl’s Club, Hell’s Kitchen, anything on MTV and etc.

For some reason society has found that the more outrageous behavior is on these reality shows, the more entertaining it is when the reality is that its all a facade. Either these people who have big issues need serious help, or they are acting in front of the camera to seek attention and pull up ratings for the show. When Amerosa on the Apprentice (who was a snake) popped up, she got famous (even though it was for only 2 days!). When you saw Ms. South Carolina jumble her words on television, she blew up famous while the winner of the pagent got no plubicity. The more Britney screws up, the more attention is averted from real problems on the news. People today only want to hear about the dirty things of people whether it be on reality shows or of celebs. I dont know why becuase for me I get tired of the same old thing. Lindsey is on drugs…again. Britney screwed a guy….again. Paris flashed her crotch…..again. These young celebs are falling, falling becuase of society’s weird butt demads.

 The news has also changed its mode of information. Now we see celeberties painted up on the headlines. Especially when Britney Spears sister got pregnant at a young age, thats all that was talked about. When it comes to politics we have changed our strategies as a citizen on picking the right candidate. We look at the clothes, the hair, and etc and judge these candidates by the way they look. If you can imagine them sitting with you eating lunch one day, that’s who you’ll pick. What about their views? What do they stand for? What are they going to do for us as leaders of this country?  Hilery Clinton did a little segment on television where you could ask her anything about herself and views that didn’t pertain to politics…..why? The only thing i want to hear from her mouth is what her next move is not what color she likes for a popsicle! We as a society demand things that are not important and these candidates just want to win favor by giving us what we want.  I had a friend tell me she didnt want Hilery Clinton to win becuase she was a Bitch. “Why?” I ask her….she just said that Hilery just is. She could not give me a real answer. She based her decision on who she likes instead of what these candidates stand for.  We need to re-evaluate what we want to know in communications. What do i want to hear about the world today? What do i want to see on television? What do the candidates for the 2008 election plan on doing for this country? These are the questions we need to ask ourselves and search for the right answers.

 I’m not dissing television, I am all for good fun on the couch watching 24, or Friends. However, I am just forwarning the new path television has its course set on in which we must be aware of. We need to be aware of what we put in our heads and how we conduct ourselves and what we demand. We should not get caught up in what is not important and constantly strive for what is important.  Its ok to laugh, cry or just be entertained from televsion, but do not let television fool you with its new ideas of what is entertainment.

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Understanding Children with ADHD

February 4, 2008

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a growing learning disability for children. Children with ADHD have problems with attention, impulsivity, hyperactivity, impaired sense of time, poor decision making and demonstrate risky behavior. This diagnosis is a misunderstood disability. Dealing with ADHD is no easy task especially for children. They deal with many problems that include having a excess amount of pent up energy during school, making friends with low self images, and dealing with different treatments in order to fit into society and function better in academics. These children face numerous problems in which people must understand when it comes to ADHD. Children with ADHD have to face issues in the classroom, in their social life, and with medication.

Recess has been a part of school since 1950s and before. Children were able to take a break from their studies and play on playgrounds and fields midday from their day of school work. However, since the 1980s, people started to question the purpose of recess. Parents began demanding better quality schools, making the school cut out recess or shorten it to fit in the high demands of society. Researchers wondered if recess was a necessary activity for children so they conducted an experiment. They looked at 43 students from fourth grade and from those 43 students, five students had ADHD. The researchers found out that the children with ADHD were able to focus and do better after recess. They also saw that the lack of recess increases bad behavior for children with ADHD as well as bad performance in school. Demolishing recess creates a learning problem for the children that are diagnosed with ADHD. By having recess, children with ADHD are able to release excess energy and are able to focus better afterwards. Studies have also shown the same yet not as extreme results with children that do not have ADHD (Ridgway, 2003). Therefore, recess has proven to play an important role in schools for ADHD students due to their energy levels.

Another importance of recess is that it makes school time not seem as long and dragging than it really is. According to Ronald Baldwin, children with ADHD have trouble identifying a time period. He suggests that not being able to identify a time period has something to do with the child’s memory. With ADHD children, they tend to perceive a period of time to be longer than it really is. This plays a role against ADHD children because it would cause them to dislike school due to its appearance to be too long therefore losing interest in the academic field (Baldwin 2004). I have a little brother with ADD and ADHD and he struggles with homework at home every day becuase for him the homework is more than it really is. When it would take an average time of 15 mins, its like 40 min for him. He gets tired, fustrated, and annoyed everytime we have to sit down and help him with homework.

Children with ADHD also face problems with maintaining interest in learning. Without a constant stimulus, the children lose interest fairly quickly. A way to keep the attention of a child that has ADHD is to set motivation for them by setting a goal that has a reward. According to familydocter.org, by creating healthy goals that has a reward for the child will maintain their focus and are more willing to accomplish the tasks given to them (ADHD). Part of the problem to which why kids have problem with learning is becuase of the way they are entertained today. With video games and television increaseing as the primary source of entertainment, children with ADHD like my brother expect to be entertained at school like they are when they watch TV or play X-box. Another way to increase the attention span of a child that has ADHD is to have these kids on a nutritious diet. Dr. Frank Lawlis states, “The brain is not receiving enough nutrients so it functions at a lower level.” By having an unhealthy diet children would not receive the nutrients that they need to function better. Due to their lack of nutrients, these ADHD children face difficulty in school due to their low levels (Lawlis 129). Doing poorly in school would not help increase an ADHD child’s confidence.

Children with ADHD have negative self perspectives. This low self esteem could contribute to how their social lives are being played out. A study was conducted to investigate if there were any social problems for these children. There are 165 children involved with ADHD and have a same sex partner for comparison that do not have ADHD. Using sociometric procedures, the experimenters were able to observe that children with ADHD were less well liked, were not high on the social scale, are more often rejected and had fewer amount of friends than the children that did not have the learning disability. They also saw that children with ADHD had less positive imbalance as well as greater negative imbalance than their comparison child. This negativity is seen as a problem for the social and personal aspects for these children (Hoza, 2005). My brother always thinks negative of himself and when you tell him to do something he takes it as an attack towards him. Its very fustrating.

Medication and treatment is a difficult to asses. Knowing how to treat a child that has this particular learning disability is an issue in itself. Will medication be the right answer to treating an ADHD child? To find this out, researchers did a study to find out if the prescription drugs such as amphetamine or methylphenidate really do help these children learn and behave better. The experimenters tested the effects of stimulant medication for children with ADHD in order to see if any progress was made while doing certain five activities including the DMTS test. There are 18 children, 13 males and 5 females, whom have ADHD and were given amphetamine or Methylphenidate. On the first medication (The doses in milligrams/kilograms ranged from 0.151 to 0.624) each child was to be tested once 60 to 90 min after taking the first medication. Then the children are tested again 18 hours after the first medication. These sessions are separated by at least seven days but no more than thirty days. Results demonstrate that children with ADHD performed better with the medication. By taking the medication, there are improvements in accuracy, memory, response rates, and focus as well as a decrease in bad behavior (Chelonis 2002). Even though the results of these drugs helped the children focus, the question remains if there are better and healthier procedures in treating an ADHD child.

James Jones, one of the psychologists of the following experiment, argues that drugs are not the right treatment for ADHD children (2002). He argues that these children are misunderstood by peers, teachers, and parents. There was a 6.8% to 18.7% increase of visits to the doctor with children from four to fifteen year olds in a community of 425 pediatricians. It seems that parents are ignoring the base of problems that their child faces and are only trying to treat the symptoms of their diagnosis. By treating conscious and unconscious family dynamics we might be able to treat the learning disability better. Children with ADHD usually have feelings of rejection and other negative feelings which should not be overlooked. Overlooking such negative self conceptions, the children might develop problems socially for the future (Jones, 2002).

These children face numerous problems in which people must understand when it comes to ADHD. Children with this learning disability have to face issues in the classroom, in their social life, and with medication or treatment. By attempting and actually understanding this diagnosis, society can help create a better environment for these children.

Reference Page

Baldwin, R., Chelonis, J., Flake, R., Edwards, M., Feild, C., Meaux, J., et al. (2004). Effect of methylphenidate on time perception in children with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Experimental and Clinical Psychopharmacology, 12, 57-64.

Chelonis, J., Edwards, M., Schulz, E., Baldwin, R., Blake, D., Wenger, A., et al. (2002). Stimulant medication improves recognition memory in children diagnosed with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Experimental and Clinical Psychopharmacology, 10, 400-407.

Hoza, B., et al. (2005). What aspects of peer relationships are impaired in children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder? Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 73, 411-423.

Jones, J. (2002). Plea for a measure of understanding: The importance of intensive psychotherapy in the treatment of children with ADHD. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 39, 12-20.

Ridgway, A., Northup, J., Pellegrin, A., LaRue, R., & Hightsoe, A. (2003). Effects of recess on the classroom behavior of children with and without attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. School Psychology Quarterly, 18, 253-268.


True Friendship

February 1, 2008

How do you find that one special and true friend?

Finding the answer to this question is still a quest for me. Luckily I am blessed with a wonderful boyfriend that I love and I can call my best friend. However, when it comes to girls; I am not so fortunate.  So where are they? You can see in the movies and television shows these dear  friendships that last for years and years.  Ever since I hit high-school I have been searching for a girlfriend to confide in and trust; but are the girls in my generation trustworthy enough to even bother having a relationship?

Every time I have invested effort in a relationship I am met with disappointment due to the lack of reciprocation. I have only found one girl in Holland named Jayeon who really understood me and actually wanted to get to know who i was and what was going on in my life; I’ve been looking for that type of friendship ever since then. Is she a rare case? Or are there really some people out there that actually do want to get to know someone for the pleasure of just getting to know them? 

 Girl after girl, I have tried to confide in and not confide in but I still have managed to get burnt by the fires of negativity. It’s always that they are in the relationship for themselves and do not care about the other person or some sort of jealous streak overtakes their being. I dont understand it. All I want is a friend that is female for once in my life that I can share memories and experiances that isn’t my own mother or boyfriend. 

My mother is a wonderful woman. She is strong hearted and very confident.  She protects her children like a lioness and kisses us when we are vunerable. I can confide in her in almost everything.  I go to her when I have been betrayed by girls that i thought were friends and when I realized that I was in an unhealthy friendship.  She tells me that I invest too much of myself in a friendship; which I guess is true.  When I am friends with someone, I want to be there for them, hang out and share great times, and be their backup at times when the ocean wants to tear up a life. She says that in this time and age with girls, a person cannot trust a girl completly because girls are more vicious today than ever.  Looking back on my experiances I say maybe that is true. I don’t know what it was like to have a friendship back in the 80’s or 70’s but I would like to think that there is still hope. Like the other day I met the nicest human beings ever. They were so accepting and i felt appriciated becuase they actually wanted to get to know me and hang out with me. Due to my experiances the first semester in Collage, it felt nice to finally findd a bunch of girls that were nice and not into the whole college illusion of fun that consisted of drugs, alcohol and sex with every male on campus.

With this being said….Do you think that everyone will find a true gal pal to rake up the good and bad times together? Or is that just an old fashioned illusion that used to be real? It’s hard to believe that you can find a friend you have been friends with since kindergarden but with the people i know that do have that type of friendship…..there is still hope i will find another, real, Jayeon; a true friendship.