Can Men and Women Be Friends?

I was listening to a radio station named the Two Guys Named Chris and they were talking about a movie that one of the Chris’s saw. He said that in this movie there was a man and a woman who took their children to the pool and chatted. They both had seperate unhappy marriages and then they ended up having an affair.  Chris’s wife says that these two people shouldnt even have started a friendship relationship becuase it sets up feelings that can eventually lead to an affair. 

I think it is possible to be friends with the opposite sex but there has to be bounderies that cannot at any time be crossed. As long as the two people keep up a light conversation and not confide in each other, then it is possible to be friends with that person.  If you confide in someone of the opposite sex, you then you will develop an emotional attachment. It is important to keep a distance with that person becuase it is possible to keep a light conversation but see that person every day or week.  You must keep a distance because the more time you spend with the opposite sex,  the more safe you will start to feel with that person which will lead you to confide in them.  Flirting should never be allowed.  I think that explains itself.

I had a guy friend here at App and I didn’t think much of it. I never saw him alone; i was always with a group of people.  Me and him laughed, joked around, and he always walked me and my roomate home with his roomate becuase it would usually be 1 o’clock everytime we left and our dorm was across campus.  I have always had kind of a flirtatous personality that i never notice. So eventually this guy i see at App ended up liking me…which eventually killed our relationship.  All my friends say i flirt but I dont mean to. I am always just joking and having a good time…aparently thats flirting. It sucks cuz all my guy friends end up liking me due to my false signals and I hate it becuase I like to hang with guys. They dont involve emotional drama like girls…at least most of the time. The dudes just want to have a good time and thats what i look for. I dont need a best guy friend…the guy would have to be gay for me to be able to confide in them.  I have a wonderful bf who I want to stay with forever so I want to be careful. But you see the problem with spending time with the opposite sex and flirting with them even when it is harmless?  It is important to keep distance in order to keep that friendship.  Of course there are few exceptions to were the two people can be friends and do everything that i say not to do…but just wait and see that eventually one of them will develop feelings for the other or have already tried and are ok to just being friends.

 Therefore, I say if you just keep a distance, not confide in, and not flirt; you can be able to sustain a safe relationship with the opposite sex. 🙂 Otherwise…its love town for them!

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4 Responses to Can Men and Women Be Friends?

  1. daisybug says:

    Hi Jenny – Michael sent me to check out this post since I so recently posted something of a similar nature on my blog…

    I feel conflicted about the wole confidant thing… I think in reality it works like this… i

    A and B are friends.

    A is married. B is not.

    B tells A a secret. Confides in A. Not so much a problem because B is not betraying a trust elsewhere.

    However – if A tells B a secret that A has kept from his or her spouse/partner, we have an intimacy issue. Leaving the spouse/partner in the dark while confiding in another is wicked dangerous and tantamount to cheating.

    When we look outside our relationship for something the relationship should be providing that is a HUGE red-flag.

    Back to the example a moment – where B tells A a secret – this CAN BECOME a problem if A doesn’t feel needed or like a confidant to hsi or her spouse – in this respect A is STILL looking elsewhere for something he/she should be getting within the relationship.

    Zoinks. I DO prattle on, don’t I?? LOL – Nice blog you have here. I like your writing style – very lyrical, very expressive.

    ~Peace~

  2. In my opinion you can have friendship with the opposite sex.

    I agree you sometimes have to keep your wits about you but I have quite a few friends that are girls. Some have been my friends for over 10 years so I don’t have to worry about anything like this with them.

  3. You’ve already heard my opinion… we listened to Two Guys Named Chris together of course. But in all honesty… I see both sides. On one hand, you should live your life by “being a part of things” and “having relationships” (which means “friends”). The sour point of this question is on the basis that men think about sex all the time (it can’t be helped). Close relationships as friends amongst two attractive, unmarried people equal an obvious “getting together.” If you take the same two people and one is married… it turns into a question of morals and boundries. The scary thing is that many men and women these days (it seems) are conditioned to feel that a) divorce comes to us all b) if things don’t work out, you can always divorce. Many couples see the very “bump in the road” being something worth splitting over… and statistics will show this harsh reality. But on the flipside, there are those whose hearts are truly giving and bound to each others… and that’s a beautiful thing (like my grandparents).

    However much I want to believe that it’s possible that guys and gals can be friends (I’m an optimist btw)… I can’t believe it’s the most healthy thing because of that basic humanist drive… the unflattering social behavior of “i needa tap that”… and growing attitude (no doubt from television and the media) that sex is free. It’s never ever free.

    But going back to the main question (there are soo many tangents)… I suppose I’ll have to be accepting of a male friend or two… because I have friends (who happen to be females) that I don’t want to cast out of my life completely just because I have a girlfriend or wife. I believe we live in an age where there shouldn’t be a double standard. Women should have the same rights and be held to the same bar as men. But in the situation where both husband/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend have friends of the opposite sex… I do think it essential to never ever hold any secrets from them. Secrets (if held for too long or of great importance) can be worse than lies sometime.

    Those are my thoughts. I’ve got more… but I’ll spare ya!…. for now. Love you bebe!

  4. daisybug says:

    How did we lapse into a sex is free debate, LOL…

    Michael – you will see as you get older, I hope, that men have the ability to be mature and understand there is more to it than sex. Once they get older and into their mid30’s or so they START (I seriously don’t mean this to be demeaning – it is just my observation) to develop some semblance of impulse control.

    Look – I have friends that I am attracted to – but I respect myself and I respect them too much to act on that. You can have a feeling and an impulse and over-ride it. It IS possible. This is ALWAYS possible but easier as hormones settle down and we start to really build something with another. I have always had male friends who I ADORE but would never think of desecrating that friendship with something so basic, so primal as sex. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

    Poor Jenny – we are hijacking her blog, LOL!

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